it begins within.
the pebble & the ripples, ramblings on living the sermon and nature and love
I’ve been sitting with these thoughts for a long while - so much so that I have begun to feel a bubbling and buzzing in my body. Like if I don’t share these thoughts and feelings, I will implode. Not in an angry or negative way, but the way that is just a knowing and knowing that it is time.
In the past when I've shared things, I've stopped myself from fully sharing. Almost like I'm leaving things on a cliffhanger. I realize now that I felt judged, not well received, misunderstood, or all of the above. And at one point in my life, I attached to those feelings of inadequacy. But honestly, it was just me judging myself — those feelings were my own limiting beliefs that I have now named, worked through, and healed. The rest were simply projections of people who did judge, misunderstand, or didn't receive me.
And I’m finally okay with that.
For most of my life, I was a chameleon. Being whoever I needed to be in the moment. Saying yes when my whole body was screaming no. Saying no when I really wanted something. Dismissing my own needs and wants as if they weren't valid or worthy of time and consideration. Don't get me wrong — I'm not fake by any means. But I can mold and shrink like it was my job. And sometimes it was.
Today, as I write this, I realize I am free - free from judgment. Free from needing to be chosen. Free from perceptions and expectations. And it was that freedom I carried with me when I found myself standing at the foot of Catawba Falls in Asheville, NC this past March.
I took one of the most peaceful and full breaths I’d taken in a very long time …and I teach and practice yoga and breath work. But in that moment, something in me cracked open.
I was sifting through the water, in awe of the beautiful rocks and pebbles that had been weathered by the elements over an infinite amount of time. Yet they remained. Each one different from the other, completely individual. Beautiful. Not judging, not performing… just being. They are inanimate objects, yes, but they still hold energy. And nature speaks truth to me.
At one point, I threw a tiny pebble into the water, and it reminded me how life and faith and humanity are like that pebble.
When it hit the water, it caused a gentle ripple. That ripple reminded me of how everything that is anything begins with a single moment. And for me, it begins within.
I live from in the inside out, not outside in.
Throughout my life, I have often felt out of place, or like I don’t belong. In SO many places and spaces. And to be honest, I still feel that at times. But standing at those falls, I felt something different. I felt like myself. And just like nature always makes me feel.. a part of something way bigger than myself.
I have always connected with my higher power out in nature, not inside four walls. I believe our journeys are personal — and while gathering in community is important, it never felt like the whole picture for me. My relationship with God is in nature. It has always been nature. The inhales, the exhales, reminding me how incredible it is to be here …living, breathing, formed intricately on purpose. Noticing the beauty, the miracles, the magic that surrounds us. Being in the present moment.
I grew up along the beaches in Northwest Florida and lakeside. Most of my childhood memories are out in nature somewhere - the beach, the bay, the lake, trails, the woods, the North Georgia mountains we visited… always in the dirt and water and breathing in the sunlight and fresh air.
I don’t claim to follow a religion. I don’t resonate with organized religion at all. In my experience, our relationship with our higher power is just that… ours. Like that pebble, formed over time. Some jagged edges, some smooth. Water flowing, sunlight hitting. But everlasting. Just like the water flowing over the falls… each path is different, individual and ours.
Everyone holds a different perspective, and that is so beautiful. It’s what makes us human. I believe the truth…our truth, our connection…resides within. I firmly and strongly believe that we are meant to live the sermon and not just listen to one. My mom told me that when I was very young, and I feel it in my bones.
Be a good human. That’s what I tell my daughters. Then we live it to the best of our ability. Because if we can't tend to our own beliefs, own our stories, take responsibility, lean into our own faith journey, self love and serenity…if we can’t find contentment within ourselves, in our own body, our own breath.. how can we possibly pour into others? In my experience, we can’t. I went many years trying to prove myself, perform, pray through and mask when I should have been putting my hand on my heart, finding stillness, asking for guidance and making moves, rather than living outside in.
Living the sermon means being like the ripple. The ripple doesn’t begin on the outside, it begins where the pebble hits the water — within. From there, it extends outward: to our families, our communities, our regions, our country, our world.
At the end of the day, love is the remedy. The medicine. The answer. Nature even shows us this… I love finding hearts in the wild. (see photo below) They’re everywhere, if you’re looking. Perspective, experience, individuality, our own paths, purposes, and sermons… lead us to love and lead us home.
I am speaking from my own life experiences, beliefs and knowing. From years of inner work, somatic movement and therapy, practicing and teaching yoga and the journey of parenting on my own. I am speaking as me, imperfectly perfect, flawed, human, ME.
If this reaches something within you, let’s connect. I love humans, perspective and these conversations.
